Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Randomize
