just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
