Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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