ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
