Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
