can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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