Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
