This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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