you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
