Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
