I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
