Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
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I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
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It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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