I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
