Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize