At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
