I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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