The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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