You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
