I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
