come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
