Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
