we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
