woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
