Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
