"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My vagina just recognized that song.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
