Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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