I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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