it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize