she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize