You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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