considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
