The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
