Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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