Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
