i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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