I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
