Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
