they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
