The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
