No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
