i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
