I CAN MOONWALK!
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
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