He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
