I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
