pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
someone owes me an orgasm
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
