remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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