theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
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We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
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Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.