I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
worst night to have a conscience
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
