Texts From Last Night

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  (765): View more from Indiana

  he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.

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  (765): he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time. http://tfl.nu/3wkx
  Replies (22) Good night (503) Bad night (2985)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.

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  (814): If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already. http://tfl.nu/owi8
  Replies (15) Good night (1090) Bad night (2193)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent

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  (717): i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent http://tfl.nu/5817
  Replies (18) Good night (669) Bad night (4901)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.

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  (704): i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes. http://tfl.nu/4acf
  Replies (54) Good night (3666) Bad night (2582)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  bitch so ugly she owes me an erection

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  (919): bitch so ugly she owes me an erection http://tfl.nu/ldn1
  Replies (29) Good night (764) Bad night (4671)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.

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  (973): Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat. http://tfl.nu/ob9t
  Replies (28) Good night (9123) Bad night (925)
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  (518): View more from New York

  i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?

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  (518): i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone? http://tfl.nu/iu7h
  Replies (11) Good night (1280) Bad night (2521)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon

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  (720): Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon http://tfl.nu/1u8n
  Replies (12) Good night (3995) Bad night (857)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.

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  (215): I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood. http://tfl.nu/t851
  Replies (3) Good night (1795) Bad night (505)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.

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  (252): Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips. http://tfl.nu/vfz4
  Replies (6) Good night (1333) Bad night (421)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Almost there.

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.

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  (402): Almost there. (1-402): define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway. http://tfl.nu/xjed
  Replies (1) Good night (1666) Bad night (355)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war

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  (403): I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war http://tfl.nu/prlf
  Replies (2) Good night (283) Bad night (562)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?

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  (203): Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish? http://tfl.nu/j5ph
  Replies (2) Good night (569) Bad night (294)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.

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  (970): Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you. http://tfl.nu/2i7x
  Replies (3) Good night (797) Bad night (260)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?

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  (803): Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick? http://tfl.nu/r3gk
  Replies (4) Good night (1393) Bad night (260)

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