woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.