I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.