Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
