The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Never underestimate the power of titties
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
