and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
