Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
