yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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