I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
