I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
did i walk over a car last night?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
