I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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