I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
