Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
