Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
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the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
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Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
A bitchslap is in order.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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