it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
