woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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