Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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