Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
