In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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