I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
