She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
