Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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