Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
